I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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