that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
