My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In other news, I just burned my penis
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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