there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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