FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
