My room smells like vodka and shame
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
