Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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