So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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