I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had to cum in my sink.
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