So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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