I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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