I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
