Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
