New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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