I wish i was in the wii world.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
