you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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