So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize