I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
