Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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