I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
