she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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