Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
