It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
