Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
