I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
