I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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