i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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