I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
