Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
