you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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