I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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