Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Alive.
So much puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
