Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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