there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
