i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
