you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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