Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
