A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
