Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
