I should be sponsored by Trojan
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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