whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
