he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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