You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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