every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
