No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
