Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
