wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
