I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
