Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They took my balls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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