she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
