The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
