Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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