Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
