so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
