I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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