Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
