We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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