once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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