College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Every concussion has its silver lining
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
