You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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