he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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