i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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