He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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