i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
