I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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