Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
