i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
