I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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