i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
