3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
