Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
