I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
