i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
