We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
