In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
