Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
