winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
